It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Jihad

OK, so the timing is horrible. Oh well. This was written in 2010 (slightly edited here). Be very afraid, because…

there’s audio now. And if you quickly come to the conclusion that I’ve butchered (no pun) the singing, you may have a future in detective work.

—-

It’s beginning to look a lot like Jihad
Everywhere you go
Take a look at the Middle East where the bloodshed will not cease
With infidels and Jews all aglow!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Jihad
Bombs in every store
They’re all praying upon their knees, but the prettiest sight to see
Is the C4 UPS brings to your door!

A snazzy suicide vest, and an RPG that shoots
Are the wish of every Abdul and Hussein
Roadside bombs to plant, while you hide behind your aunt

It’s beginning to look a lot like Jihad
Follow the money trail
Stealth terrorists in hotels
And some in the schools as well
The crazy kind that really want to die!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Jihad
Soon the killing starts
That’s the thing that motivates them
To lie and say they’re your friend
Right before you lose some body parts!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Jihad
Everywhere you go
Take a look at the Middle East where the bloodshed will not cease
With infidels and Jews all aglow!

It’s beginning to look a lot like [EXPLOSION]

(Copyright by publication by songwroter here, 9/1/2010.)

Poor Poor Pitiful POTUS

I phoned it in, then I hit the links
Damn, I hooked it in a tree
The honeymoon is over now
Poor, poor pitiful me

Poor, poor pitiful me
Poor, poor pitiful me
The Fourth Estate won’t let me be
Lord have mercy on me
Woe is me

I got dressed up for a Sunday show
Really screwed up my vacation
Going through the motions now
A gigantic irritation
He thought he’d work me over good
‘Cause he thinks he’s such a smarty
So I talked a lot, didn’t say a thing
I was a credit to my party

Poor, poor pitiful me
Poor, poor pitiful me
These reporters won’t let me be
Lord have mercy on me
Woe is me

Woo!

Poor, poor pitiful me
Poor, poor pitiful me
These sycophants won’t let me be
Lord have mercy on me
Woe is me

Then I had a late brunch with HRC
She’s still pissed I beat her
She talked about taking back the House
I don’t want to talk about it

Hoy!

Poor, poor pitiful me, woo!
Poor, poor pitiful me, ha, never mind
Poor, poor pitiful me, ooohoo!
Poor, poor pitiful me…

 

ElSuaveTeleprompter-MyRidesHere

Suspicious Memes

“Feds Creating Database to Track ‘Hate Speech’ on Twitter.”

I thought of the Suspicious Memes idea independently, but Soopermexican thought of it first.

—–

We’re looking for memes
That we don’t like
And then we’ll call it “hate speech” baby

Why can’t you see
It’s icky being free
Why don’t you do just what we say?

We can’t go on together
With suspicious memes
And we can’t organize
On suspicious memes

So if your tax money backs
OFA Leftists and hacks
Would we still see suspicion in your eyes?

Here we go again
Of course we’re non-partisan
You can’t see your fears aren’t real
(I’m lying)

We can’t go on together
With suspicious memes
And we can’t organize
On suspicious memes

Oh let our lie survive
Social pollution harms our lives
Let’s don’t let the Left-wing die

When proles, you know
We’ve never lied to you
Mmm yeah, yeah

 

avi-Truthy

The Journalism Song

Woke up with the first line in my head this morning. No idea why. Think Gilbert & Sullivan meets Monty Python.

First draft.

As always, copyright by publication.

—–

A dispassionate recitation of the facts,
The who, the what, the why, the when, the where,
But journalists have lately gotten lax,
Though they dance around their bias like Astaire.

Reporters with agendas should be on the Op-Ed page,
But uninformed polemics are becoming all the rage:

Idiotic infographics,
Click-bait semi-pornographic,
Ignorance of the geographic–
Ain’t journalism grand?
Clueless about history,
Economics are a mystery,
Pivot now to Hillary–
So let’s strike up the band.

Oh……….

Dispassionate distillation of the news
Has seldom been much more than an ideal,
But now it’s gotten goofier than hell,
When the President smiles, reporters start to squeal.

Idiotic infographics,
Click-bait semi-pornographic,
Ignorance of the geographic–
Ain’t journalism grand?
Clueless about history,
Economics are a mystery,
Pivot now to Hillary…

So let’s strike up the BANNNNNNNNND!

Addicted To Koch

AddictedToKoch3

 

Copyright by publication.

The mic is live, you start to speak
The same theme, you’re such a freak
Your voice cracks, your hands shake
Another speech is what it takes
You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
The same crap, you’re such a dweeb
Another speech is all you need
Ohh oohh

You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff…oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it
You’re addicted to Koch

You know the facts, but don’t care
Dems have their own billionaires
You raise your voice to drive it home
You hit your stride, mouth starts to foam
Another speech and you’ll be saved
Just one more mailer is all you crave
The same old meme, but you can’t quit
And nobody believes your s***
Ohh oohh

You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it
You’re addicted to Koch

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch

Your lights are on, but you’re not home
Your will is not your own
Your heart sweats and teeth grind
Another mailer and you’ll be fine
Ohh oohh

You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it
You’re addicted to Koch

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Koch

My Cancellation (Who Parody)

Obama said he’d bring rates d-down (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Lots of freebies all around (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
The letter I got was awful c-c-cold (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Hope I don’t die before I get old (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)

This is my cancellation
This is my cancellation, baby

Democrats all just l-lie away (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Republicans fault is what they s-s-s-say (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
I’m gonna need some strong s-s-sedation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Reeling from my c-c-c-cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)

My cancellation
This is my cancellation, baby

Democrats all just l-lie away (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Corporate greed is what they s-s-s-say (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Obama’s on a golf v-v-vacation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
And all I got’s my c-c-c-cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)

This is my cancellation
This is my cancellation, baby
My my my cancellation

Democrats said they’d bring rates d-down (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Better coverage all around (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
The letter I got was awful c-c-cold (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
Hope I don’t die before I get old (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)

This is my cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
My cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
This is my cancellation, baby (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
This is my cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
This is my cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
This is my cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)
This is my cancellation (Talkin’ ’bout my cancellation)

(h/t @DeaconSchroeder for the idea)

Apologies to Jan and Dean

(Quick hit audio here. Suffice it to say the karaoke tracks were [ahem] not exactly in my optimal range.)
.

.
It’s the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu

It’s the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
Got a clipboard and a pen, gonna organize you
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
Claims to be a lib but that’s ridiculous
Barry always hung around with Stalinists

And everybody’s saying that there’s nobody cooler
Than the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu
Reporters say he’s eloquent, but that’s all shit
When the teleprompter breaks he’s inarticulate

It’s the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu

If you don’t like the President you need to face it
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
You don’t care about the poor, and you’re prob’ly racist
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
We’re gonna go bankrupt sooner or later
‘Cause he can’t keep his foot off the accelerator

And everybody’s saying that there’s nobody cooler
Than the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu
Racking up debt like money grows on trees
Negotiates with terrorists, not GOP

It’s the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu

Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
He flies across the country for the Leno show
Then barricades memorials so we can’t go

And everybody’s saying that there’s nobody cooler
Than the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu
Racking up debt like money grows on trees
Negotiates with terrorists, not GOP

It’s the Democratic Socialist from Honolulu

Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
Barry go
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
Barry go
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
Barry go
Go Barry, go Barry, go Barry go
Barry go

You’re A Racist! (Groucho Parody)

To the tune of “I’m Against It,” by Groucho Marx and Reginald Barlow, from Horsefeathers (1932):

I don’t care what you have to say,
It makes no difference anyway,
Whatever it is, you’re a racist.
No matter what the topic, I’ll debase it,
You’re a racist.

Your proposition may be good,
But let’s have one thing understood,
Whatever it is, you’re a racist.
And even when you’ve changed it or erased it,
You’re a racist.

You’re a racist,
On general principle, you’re a racist.

He’s a racist.
In fact, indeed, yes he’s a racist!

Although the term is tired and worn,
I always yell from night to morn,
Whatever you say, you’re a racist.
I use the word so much that I debase it,
You’re a racist!

Original:

When Scandals Collide

(Consider this copyright by publication, 6/10/13, 8:05 PM PST.)

Parody of Roger Miller’s “When Two Worlds Collide.”

Hopefully it will be tied in with ScandalsCollide.com in the form of some kind of audio and/or video whatnot.

Update: Here’s the audio.

It goes something like this…

The world could be perfect
In your mind you could see
A heaven on earth, so you lied
You reached for the heavens
But wound up in jail
That’s what happens when scandals collide

Your world is made up of Marx and Marcuse
The real world is now gonna will pretty much cook your goose
Your dreams lie in shambles
And oh how you cry
That’s what happens when scandals collide

(guitar break)

Your world is made up of hubris and lies
This is the part where your fantasies die
Your dreams lie in shambles
And oh how you cry
That’s what happens when scandals collide
That’s what happens when scandals collide

Warren Zevon parody: “My Second Term”

To the tune of “Vera Cruz”:

(original audio here)

I heard Eric Holder’s guns
I heard Malia crying
Late last night I heard the news
My second term was dying
My second term was dying

Someone called Jerimiah’s name
I swear it was my father’s voice
Saying goddamn America is such a pain
You must leave now, you have no choice

Take the honorariums and ride west
To your Tony Rezko nest
When the SEIU thugs withdraw
Let Mitt Romney take the rest

I heard Eric Holder’s guns
I heard Malia crying
Late last night I heard the news
My second term was dying
And the DNC is falling

(need Spanish translation for the next part)
On that day I swore
To the Oval Office I will return
Even though I got my clock cleaned
In the White House I shall die
On that day I swore

I heard Eric Holder’s guns
I heard them in the polls
My second term is dying